I'm falling

What a long day it has been, I just need a moment to sit back and gather my thoughts, a little bit of time to reflect to myself the upcoming and recent events that seem to have taken over a majority of my free time.

I steal moments here and there to just close my eyes and try to make some sort of sense out of what is going on around me, but as soon as I close my eyes, I suddenly feel as if the floor has opened up underneath me, and I'm falling so rapidly that it feels as if my brain is still sitting up in my chair.

This has been going on for as long as I can remember, but I am usually able to feel grounded again as soon as I open my eyes back up. The falling sensation never particularly bothered me, unless it left me feeling nauseated, which has happened to me on quite a few occasions. Usually the feeling was completely gone after I opened my eyes, but the familiar dizziness would sometimes linger, causing me to jerk quickly to try and stabilize my balance.

Lately I have had the feeling happen more and more frequently. At night when I'm laying down, I feel like as I lay back, and sink into the cozy softness of my bed, the sinking feeling just doesn't quit, and this happens with my eyes wide open, like it could be linked to the relaxation of my muscles.

This feeling even happens to me when I ascend or descend stairs, and today it happened to me from just sitting down in my chair here at the computer. The lingering dizziness that seems to be the aftershock of the falling sensation usually only lasts a few minutes, but today I just felt like the bottom was knocked out of me, and if I didn't get somewhere to lay down quickly I was going to pass out. I didn't end up passing out, and as a matter of fact I just kept talking to myself aloud and I regained my composure, but I'm kind of shaken up by the entire experience.

I have had other circumstances that feel kind of similar, and one of them is the dizzy nauseous feeling I get when I'm high off the ground, or when I look down into deep or dark water, and those are explainable I guess, just a simple expression of fear on my body's behalf. I also get the same familiar gut-wrench when I am laying on a water bed, but I just have always described that as sea-sick, since it won't really set in right away, I can get all cozy, but after a while I almost feel as if I have a hangover, and make a mad dash to wretch my guts out.

I think what concerns me the most about it, is that I have a preexisting neurological condition that causes a lot of other problems, and as of now it's been going untreated for nearly a year now, since I've lost my health insurance. I'm supposed to have injections and medication to help with the spasms, the swelling and the pain. My concerns are stuck somewhere in the idea that these two things are somehow linked together, and getting treatment for my medical condition could help curb the spells of the falling feeling. I really have no idea, I could be way off, either way I'm kind of helpless to the entire situation.

I have combed the Internet for something that even comes close to comparing with what I am experiencing, and so far I have come up empty handed. I really hope that I'm being silly about the entire thing, but something inside tells me that things aren't right.